Locally living

Posted on August 8, 2013 by Carrie Mattern

We are living on a single income. My husband returned to school last fall after 16 years serving in the military. Needless to say it hasn’t been easy, but it is much better seeing him every day while being broke, than being frivolous without him. So this has been our first summer off together as a family. We have been blessed to travel a variety of places with family, but now that summer is winding down, we are staying local.

Our next adventure is A Day Out with Thomas the Train at Crossroads Village on August 18. Thomas comes once a year to one of our favorite Genesee County Parks, but we’ve never been to see him. We seem to be out of town during the 16-18 and 23-25 each summer, but this year we have made a point to stay local, and keep our dollars locally circulating. Speaking of finances, Thomas can become a costly event depending on the size of your family, so here are a few things the five of us are planning to do within the confines of our newly-tightened, newborn baby #3, budget:

A. Pack a lunch! Many park goers are not aware, but you can take a picnic into Crossroads Village, as long as you keep food and beverage within the picnic area (to the left of the entrance for Thomas). You may choose to pack a cooler and keep it in your vehicle, or cover it at the picnic area so it is not bothered. This can save your family money and time on a crowded day! It may also allot for extras like yummy purchases of old fashioned candy from the General Store, or tickets to board the Genesee Belle for a family river ride.
B. Download a map from http://geneseecountyparks.org/pages/VillageMap to share with your family. We have decided to allow our 2 oldest to choose 3 places/events they wish to see. Each. That means we will not be wandering lost upon arrival looking for what to do, which could amount to time spent, and impulsive purchases. If the kids are aware of what they can and cannot do once at the Village, then the parents may be more apt to stick with their budgetary guidelines. As a side note, our kids have decided to ride both the carousel and ferris wheel ($1.25 for 1 ticket or 4 for $4), visit the inflatables station, bubble station, see Bob the Builder perform and meet him afterwards, as well as ride the extended 40 minute train. Now this may change once they see the other events happening in the park, but at least we are starting with a plan and may learn a little about decision making and flexibility along the way.
C. Take bottled water inside your diaper bag/purse/backpack for the older kids. A small snack of fruit or tail mix might fit also.
D. Set a family budget ahead of time. Talk with your partner. Discuss the options. Write it down. And stick to it! Sure your kids are going to ask for many things, but try to promote the concept of experience over the idea of stuff. This experience with Thomas is going to be one of the best in their young lives! Take a picture of them with Sir Topham Hatt or Bob the Builder, and then print it when you get home. Immediately or you will get too busy and forget. Then put it in a frame and give to them as a gift to recall the experience. It will be a token that is priceless.
E. Understand that your ticket covers EVERY event aside from lunch, souvenirs, and the mainstay rides at Crossroads. Temporary tattoos, inflatable fun, bubbles galore, meet and greets, the works!

With those things in mind, check out the Genesee County Parks FAQs about A Day Out with Thomas at http://geneseecountyparks.org/dowt/faq.html. We are also going to the library to research the book series that Thomas actually stems from called the Railway Series! It will get our kids even more excited for our trip in a few weeks. I will share what worked well and what didn’t for those of you who plan on going the following weekend (Aug. 23-25). Maybe we will see you there! All aboard!

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On the road, er, track, again…

Posted on July 25, 2013 by Carrie Mattern

As a child I recall countless trips to For Mar Nature Preserve, Kensington Metro-Park, Cedar Point, and even Canada’s Wonderland! My brother and I learned a great deal from our parents by traveling as much as they could afford. Looking back, I’ve learned how they did afford these educational, yet always fun, excursions.

To begin, my parents made the most of our local venues for getaways, what some trendy moms now refer to as “stay-cations.” We would hike For Mar and take a picnic lunch, view Stepping Stone Falls, and bike the 8 mile loop at Kensington Metro Park. When there was a free event such as putt-putt at Playland for Memorial or Labor Day weekend, we went as many times as we could, buying as many copies of the Flint Journal as possible for the free foursome coupon inside! I never went without. I never realized we were broke, and never felt like I didn’t have what I needed. Sure there were times when kids at school bought certain Nike shoes for basketball that we couldn’t afford, or  Girbaud jeans that everyone had on and I didn’t, but my parents made sure that the clothing or the shoes were not the most important aspect of my life. What mattered was the family and the memories you made with one another. My hope is to instill that moral with my kids.

Recently my own family took quite a vacation, in fact, two of them back to back. One to Minnesota, and one to Aruba, but both to visit family. On the way to Aruba there was an elderly couple seated right behind my kids. Leo had just yelled, “Mom, here’s my puke bag!” I looked over at my husband and just smiled, hoping the couple hadn’t heard this wonderful news. Claire looked back at them sheepishly and the man caught her attention. “Is this your first plane ride,” he asked eagerly. “No,” she retorted. “My third, his second (pointing to Leo) and her first (pointing to the baby).” The man chuckled delightedly and asked her where she was headed. “Aruba,” she replied nonchalantly. He couldn’t believe it! He told her they were headed to Florida to see his new grandbaby while she explained that her grandma lives in Aruba. After listening to this conversation I was thrilled we could give our children this experience, but also happy that they are so grounded. A bike trek to our neighborhood forest is as exciting as a plane ride. A trip to the Flint Children’s Museum is as interesting as a waterpark. They love spending time as a family, making memories. When they look back, I hope they recall the big moments, but focus on the little details in between the trips where we swam together, had an ice cream cone, or played checkers. Then I will feel successful at raising well-rounded children who hold family at the top of their priority lists.

Next up: Crossroads Village and “A Day Out With Thomas the Train”

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Do You Like My Hat?

Posted on June 6, 2013 by Carrie Mattern

I like hats. I have many of them. The latest is a 1920’s inspired black felt hat.  One of my favorite books is Go, Dog, Go! just because of the line, “Do you like my hat?” As babies both of my kids loved that part of the story (as well as the dog party in the tree).  Hats, hats, hats.  Yesterday my friend Susan mentioned all the hats I’ve been wearing this week as an author and it really got me thinking…do I really like wearing all of these author hats?

Since my first young adult novella, All About Jane, dropped online last week (you can purchase at http://www.marketingnewauthors.com/allaboutjane.html) I have been trying on so many hats that I just want to do my hair again, which is something I usually despise, especially now that there are three babies to get ready for church which leaves little time for this mama, let alone this mama’s hair!

One of the most challenging hats I’ve worn this week is technical support.  I am not a fan of how things work.  It’s simple.  People like putting stuff together and learning how it works, but I do not.  I just like those things (that others put together) to work for me.  Since All About Jane is an ebook (hard cover drops June 29! reserve yours now!), I have had many fans ask about the easy way to download it, or what device it is compatible with, or even how to transfer it to another device.  I want to be quite honest here…I had to text my husband so he would remind me how to get to this website to post a new blog (seriously).  For some reason, and maybe it is dependency or mama brain, I just cannot recall the url ending I have to add to www.carriemattern.com to update.  Nor do I remember the password and username, but that’s for a different post! A techie hat is really tough for me to put on, but I am learning.

Additionally I have become a negotiator.  All About Jane was originally supposed to be just an ebook, but a contract was offered for a hard copy.  Have I ever read an author contract before? No.  Did I know what I was getting into? Not at all.  Was it like the flea market where you can barter? Kind of.  I also used my resources and contacted a few lawyers, film industry experts, and published authors to see what they thought about my contract and to listen to their advice.  This hat was an easier fit, but still sort of scratchy on my forehead.

Aside from negotiating, I’m also promoting (www.marketingnewauthors.com).  I’ve always promoted my books, but with an ebook, there has to be more tech savvy way to reach your audience.  My brother made a stellar video (http://vimeo.com/66433978) and I have emailed, posted, and spoken to all my fans, former students, and friends about this work that I am so proud of!  But it is hard when you aren’t a fan of sales people.  It’s even harder to become one.  I changed my email signature to include the link to buy my book.  I have blogged more about this book than the others in hopes it will reach more people.  I have joined groups of authors who are all trying to make their dreams happen.  I have made promo posters, postcards, and more business cards.  It’s a hat that I wish I didn’t have to wear, but if I want to be successful in helping my family survive this crazy life we are living together, I have to get comfortable with doing what makes me uncomfortable.

With that, I am going to take off my red writing hat and glasses, and think about letting you in on my next project.  It’s called Born this Way.  Or Born that Way.  We will see.  If you’ve read All About Jane, please help me out by leaving a review on Good Reads at http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18039781-all-about-jane.

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All About Jane

Posted on May 18, 2013 by Carrie Mattern

If you are an avid reader of this blog, you may recall I won a prose contest in December through MANA publications. It was a second place victory for a half-finished story that I was scared to write.  I blogged about fear and being motivated by fear, and now that I can reflect, I was more motivated by deadlines than fear.  Finally fear took a back seat.  I plan on keeping it in hindsight, too!

As of last week, All About Jane has been proposed as an ebook and hard copy.  The hard copy will be published a month after the ebook.  It includes discussion questions and an author interview and is being published by a textbook company called Robbie Dean Press.

Additionally my brother created a video promo for All About Jane, along with former students of mine.  This is quite special to me since I called on a variety of my kids (who are now adults) and they all responded positively.  It brought together students who have faced discrimination, bullying, intolerance, and various injustices.  It brought together kids from the country, kids from Flint-town, and kids from overseas.  It brought together kids from wealth, the middle class crew, and kids from poverty. It brought together kids from my first year of teacher to those I have taught recently.

And even more importantly, it brought my brother, Tanner Shay, and I together, collaboratively.  He is in California and has been for the last seven years.  I have only been there once.  He comes home once a year.  It is tough.  This brought us closer together, if only for a few days, to talk, critique, imagine, and collaborate.

I hope you have a minute to watch our video.  I hope you have a minute to reflect on the concept that we are all Jane, and my book is all about her, yet all about each one of us.

http://vimeo.com/66433978

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Release of All About Jane: The Prologue

Posted on April 22, 2013 by Carrie Mattern

Since I had to cancel last Friday’s reading/signing due to the flu, I thought I would release what I was going to read aloud for my fans. Here, indeed, lies the prologue of my latest young adult book, All About Jane. It can be purchased a little over a month from now, on May 29th, via ebook at http://www.marketingnewauthors.com/fiction.html. Please leave a comment on the blog and start the conversation with your predictions for my most recent work. Thanks for reading.

Prologue


My jaw is clenched more often than not lately.  Lately as in the last five years. But time, in my case, is irrelevant.  There’s no need for a watch, a calendar, or a phone to monitor my endless days. All there is, is time. Continuous, monotonous, suffocating time.

Often, which is a redundant transition in this case, I catch myself humming that sixties tune, “Time is on my side, yes it is,” even though it never really has been.  It wasn’t with Jane either.  It was never the neon Timex smile glowing to ease the darkness for either one of us.

I wonder if I should explain her story before mine, that way my tale appears entwined, and more reciprocal with the facts on that cold December afternoon. Perhaps I should just state it as I recall, some years later. Regardless of the style or order, here are the facts, and as the intelligent reader knows, facts tend to be skewed given perspective, background, and bias.

*Jane Robins was in my English Lit. class. She despised our handsome teacher, Mark Gurd, but loved Hamlet. “It’s just so beautifully written,” she had stated to the entire class when there was a substitute and they were all goofing off saying shit like, “Have you felt any girl up like Hammie has with O-feel-ya?”

*Jane Robins was not my friend. I had failed English the year prior. A long story, but mom said just to blame it on my immune system, or lack thereof, and we did not have the money for summer school. So here I was, stuck with underclass idiots reading the exact same stuff we had the year before, in the exact same order, with the exact same drone, albeit handsome, Mr. Gurd.

*Jane Robins left school at 11:00am Tuesday morning, December 2nd. She told the office attendant she was sick. She told her one friend, Tera, good-bye. Looking back Tera would report that it was odd. She thought Jane was just skipping her afternoon classes. It was gray and cold, typical Michigan weather. Sans snow.

*Jane Robins proceeded to clean her bedroom at 11:33am.  (This all garnered from police interviews and reports that my journalist loud-talker of a mother retrieved due to the Freedom of Information Act, and information that I found years later).  Jane left a note for her parents on an old antique dresser they scavenged from the flea market and had initially used as her changing table. The note was stapled. It lay perfectly square where they once folded her cloth diapers. The note was labeled to her Mom and Dad, even though Mom had been gone many years.  The note referenced part of Hamlet’s most famous soliloquy:

“…and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to,—’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To die,—to sleep;—
To sleep: perchance to dream” (Shakespeare 3:1).

*Jane Robins left a note for her boyfriend, Kyle, of two years lassoed around the neck of the pink hippo he won for her on their first date-the infamous Holy Redeemer Festival complete with greasy elephant ears and a faulty ferris wheel. Those Catholics know how to fundraise. No one ever leaked what was contained inside this letter.

*Jane Robins then picked up her boom box, which usually lay on the floor beneath her window, and carried it into the garage. She put her favorite Beatles mix tape inside the audio cassette tray, patiently fast-forwarded to the song, “Julia,” and pushed play.  This again, according to police report, not eye witness account, and not my memory as memory fails with trauma and age.

*Jane Robins then threw the rope she had prepared into a noose days earlier over the garage rafter.  Gingerly she pulled up a folding chair they had stored for spontaneous games of Euchre. Using effortless balance she tied off the rope end so that is was taught against the beam.  Then she placed her pale, placid, sophomore head directly into death’s open arms.

*Jane Robins forgot to close the garage door, so her body swayed similarly to her last slow dance with Kyle at Homecoming months prior.  She did not close the garage door that faced the prepubescent minds of the middle school. She did not close the garage door, and the local police had just enough time to cut her down, like the fall harvest, before the final bell shrilly called out that the day was done.

*The fact is, Jane Robins hung herself that cold day in December.  Half-way through the worst school year of her miserable life.

And I was to blame.

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A Letter of Apology

Posted on April 16, 2013 by Carrie Mattern

Card Catalog

To my dear children and students,

In light of recent events, I owe you an apology on behalf of my generation, as well as those that came before me. You see, we were never really taught how to research online. We were usually cooped up in the dust laden library, senior year, looking up a generic topic such as Popular Culture in America circa 1990 (as a side note, my topic was Princess Di and the title was “Can the Media Kill You?”). We scoured for days through newspaper clippings that our librarian had carefully cut from the local news sources and placed in file folders marked “Fashion” or “Murder” or even better, “Farming.” If we couldn’t find anything there, we were shown the big blue books along the back wall that housed information on everything…Uganda, Candy Corn, and even International Food Consumption. Yes, you guessed it, the all encompassing encyclopedia! This was typically our primary source in many instances. Again though, if you still could not find out the information you needed to write (not type) your 10 page research paper with additional bibliography and title page, you were shown the Card Catalog. Now you may not be aware of this part of Media Center, I mean, Library, history. The card catalog, seen below, was a terrific opportunity to find books on your topic! Yes, actual books. To begin, you looked for your topic, in alphabetical order, and then pawned through the index cards that were neatly labeled with information concerning what your library offered in accordance to the topic you picked. It was perfect, albeit draconian to you today. So, there you have it. Once we finally found the information related to our topic, we read it and then took down notes on index cards that we had already numbered and labeled according to each source. Once that was accomplished, we were able to start writing our research papers. Simple, right?

To get on with the apology, here it is: I am so sorry today that we tend to skip the research entirely, especially when it comes to social media. It’s as if we are playing the adult version of telephone at times, just reposting or retweeting what what posted by a friend of ours. I have no excuses and no concrete answers, only theories as to why my generation and others tend to post, tweet, and even debate issues that they have little to no evidence (or education) to support their claims. Here they are, in random (albeit humorous) order.

The Couch Potato Reporter: While I still respect the media (and worked diligently for them for over 5 years), all too often today we try to take on this role without any basis or fact checking. Since newspapers began, publishing the story first was a competition. Maybe today we are driven to be the one who ‘broke the news first,’ even though we are breaking it on social media and not given much credit aside from the SHARE button VIA Carrie Shay heading.

The Has Been: We all know a former athlete that never did much with his or her life after high school. This theory deals with the person who just may not be happy with where she/he is at today in life and looks for ‘glory’ any place they can find. It may be that my generation did not have the spotlight that you are all graced with each and every day of your lives (and yes that is sarcasm) online, through Facebook, Twitter, and dare I say the lovely, Instagram.

The Ego Maniac: We were not given this type of attention at your age (except maybe from our parents IF they were together and liked us well enough). Shall I say we were attention deprived then, or perhaps we are today, and now post as fast as we can to share with our Facebook friends and family that will hopefully shower us with compliments.

The Simple Sally: We had to work hard in school (see above research paper process if you do not believe me) and maybe, just maybe, we tend to look for an easier way as adults today. Maybe, just maybe, we tend to like this idea of a simple click solving problems…which leads to the final theory…

The Back Seat Activist: We feel good about sharing news with others. We feel good about posting who just passed away to let people know and grieve. We feel good about posting a donation page, even if we did not donate to the cause (yes, we do). I think it is Nietzsche who stated that we don’t help just to help people. In fact there is no such thing as true altruism. He said we help so we can tell others that we helped. Maybe he was right. Now we can tell the world not only who we helped, but how, and why.

Now, do not think I am judging other adults here, or even your generation. I am here to apologize. I am sorry students. And I am sorry children. My generation has not been one with many good role models to follow. I realize that I have succumbed to all of the theories above at some point on Facebook in the last few years (do we recall Kony 2012?) and i ask for your forgiveness. I am sorry we have not educated ourselves with the use of this new technology, and in turn never educated our most prized possessions—YOU, our youth. I am sorry we were not brought up with these tools, but am I really? These tools can be wonderfully dynamic, but also tragically destructing. It’s easy to click LIKE. It’s simple to click SHARE. It only takes a moment to hurt. Please take that moment and just do the research. I know I will. And I vow to teach others to do the same.

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March is Reading Month

Posted on March 13, 2013 by Carrie Mattern

I don’t know how many times in the last year I have read Facebook posts asking for book recommendations. It is exciting as an educator to see that former students are still reading for pleasure, and promising as an author to see that people are still interested in buying and discussing books. I tend to post book lists throughout the summer months when I have more time to read, but with a baby on the way, I have read through many sleepless nights this last trimester. So, I present to you, the March Mishmash List: a hodge-podge of what I have read lately in no particular order or genre, and why you, too, should pick up these books!

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand

Having the hubs around this whole pregnancy has been nothing short of amazing. He recently received this recommendation from a professor, and purchased this book for me when I finished my last read. He told me it was about running, and similar to Born to Run, and that is all he had to say. I was smitten. And then, then I realized, this was a war story. An Olympic runner turned soldier turned slave. As I sobbed my way through this story, I kept telling the hubs about each new aspect of World War II that I was learning. Little did I realize, World War II was not necessarily compartmentalized into two categories that I held in my head- the attack on Pearl Harbor and Nazi Germany. An entire war happened in POW camps that I am quite embarrassed to admit that I had very little knowledge about. It is a compelling non-fiction read that captivated and even compelled this non-history buff to research further.

Viral Bound by Dan Waltz

If you are a fan of the Walking Dead (graphic novel and/or AMC television series), chances are high that you will thoroughly enjoy Waltz’s, Viral Bound. Unlike Dead, Waltz provides a reason for the zombie outbreak, but it’s unclear at first to the average reader. The quickness of the outbreak is realistically tragic. It reminded me of films such as 1995’s Outbreak, and the more recently, Contagion, which both illustrate the severity of pathogens and air borne viruses. Likewise Waltz respectfully crosses the Dead line by placing his readers in situations where the television series has only shown us with the character Sophia. Many of Waltz’s situations involve children who have turned; including a scene where Steve, our adult protagonist, stumbles upon an entire school that has been afflicted. What happens to the still-human children on the bus is almost as tragic that what has happened to all the children who were not able to escape the lockdown of their safe, secure school. These images resonate with this reader who tends to read nightly before bed. Overall this novel is a captivating read for any fan who enjoys the flesh-eaters known only as ‘zoms’ in Waltz’s tale.

The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald

A cliche recommendation from an English teacher? Perhaps. However, here is why I think you should read it…again…and again…as an adult. This semester I taught Gatsby differently than I ever have in the last eight years. I wanted my students to look for author’s purpose in writing the “Great American Novel.” We analyzed purposes such as mafia tale, romance, the classic American Dream, a social commentary, and historical point of view. Doing this, and listening to the kids debate why it was more mafia tale than love story, or vice versa, allowed me the freedom to inspect the foreshadowing and dialogue more carefully than I have before. Sure I know the plot, but I honestly see new perspectives when students ask questions and make comments that I’ve never thought about. For example, without spoiling it for those who have not read the classic, one student wondered just how manipulative and powerful Gatsby really was. Did Nick just happen to find a place next to Gatsby’s and the roommate bail for a new job, or were the roomie and Gatsby ‘friends’? Comments like this allow me to fall in love with Fitzgerald’s somewhat challenging style all over again. Plus it wouldn’t hurt if you read the book before seeing Leonardo DiCaprio in the latest film this May! How will he compare to Robert Redford?

The Mystery at Motown by Carole Marsh

This read was a Davison All Read Book that the district provides for every elementary student. It led to a family fun literacy night where I face painted the Detroit Tiger Old English “D” on very patient little people. What I loved most about reading with this book with my son (4) and daughter (7) was that they both were captivated for 2-3 chapters due to the cliff hangers. I also like Marsh’s use of Detroit landmarks and history and fun way to teach children about the positives the city offers…still today. In fact, we are headed to the Hitsville USA museum after this baby joins us, and then over to Lafayette for coneys. Did I forget to mention that the two adult protagonists are mimi and papa? This is what the kids call my parents, so that made it even more realistic. I think we are going to check out her other book set in Michigan titled, The Mystery on the Great Lakes.

Diggin for Dinos: A Real Heroes Read Book by Charles Davis Clasman and Davis Anthony

I met these authors last summer and boy were they fun! Little did I know, their books would be even more entertaining than they were at a book signing in Flint. Again, both kids loved reading this book aloud and were captive for 2-3 chapters which is really motivating for Leo who tends not to sit still for too long…even when food is present. Similar to the mystery books by Marsh, each chapter ends with a cliffhanger and moves rapidly through the mysterious plot. Also similar is the Michigan setting, but in this series, every story take place in Michigan. This one happens to be set in Traverse City. Add evil talking dinosaurs, sibling superheroes, and archeology to the mix, and you have a winner in my book!

The Interrupting Chicken by David Ezra Stein

If you are looking for a younger children’s story, this one is hysterical! I bought it for my son as he tends to frequently interrupt, especially during story time. Stein uses classic children’s tales to create a relationship between chicken and papa that most parents and grandparents will recognize. This is a tame, children’s version of “Go the F-to Sleep,” that I can relate to. Maybe even more than my children! The dialogue is captivating and realistic, especially for talking chickens. Do I dare compare it to…no, I won’t. Just read it!

Little Girls Can be Mean by Michelle Anthony and Reyna Lindert

As the mother of a little girl, I never realized how early the mean girl stuff begins. I’ve read Ophelia Speaks, and Reviving Ophelia, but this research based text focuses on the younger child and a plan to help strengthen the tools our daughters carry around with them daily. It helps discuss how to implement these tools from a parental point of view, and a teacher point of view. There are realistic situations provided along with activities that parents and teachers can work on with their students. It is practical, proactive, and informative. A must read for every parent and every elementary teacher!

With that note, I am looking forward to reading more often as number three arrives within the next three weeks. I hope you find something here that speaks to you, and if not, please send recommendations my way in the comments below! I have a few other Michigan authors lined up to read in the near future with Jessyca Mathews’ debut poetry book, Simply, and a re-read of Susan Sage’s sci-fi fantasy novel, Insominy. Happy March. Happy reading.

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Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Posted on March 2, 2013 by Carrie Mattern

So I entered a writing contest with encouragement from my Instructors as Writers Group in October. And I won second place. This was a shock to me since I entered on a whim, and the book was only half-way finished. Guidelines suggested it be 2/3 complete, but now that I look back, it was really only half-way there.
The book is a tale I’ve had in my head for years, but one that I was scared to face. It consisted of inspiration from J.D. Salinger’s, Catcher in the Rye, Patrick Jone’s, Things Change, and even a little Margaret Atwood poetry. But what truly inspired the characters were three people from my past who never realized they touched my life in such an awe-inspiring way. These three people could not have been more different: a young teen skater boy from the West side of the state, a teenage girl who would have been labeled as white trash in her hometown, an older adolescent male from a family of six that graduated years ahead of me, and all three of them comprise a single character in my book, All About Jane.
What was so terrifying was telling the story I wanted to share, but also being respectful to these three people, who at the time, suffered so very much without me even realizing it. I was a naive teen. I didn’t comprehend until much later that people had issues hidden behind closed doors that were not talked about in the nineties. Now we have grown more accustomed to discussing things such as drug use, depression, and suicide. We have also grown more accustomed to blaming bullying for teen suicide when that is only a single factor in a life full of desperate pain.
When I was notified that I won this writing contest I was in a state of shock that someone besides my family saw me as an author, pride in that epiphany, gratitude for my ladies in the Instructors as Writers group who have pushed me farther than I ever imagined, and then…panic. Could I be true to those who inspired this tale while still honoring the nature of a ‘good’ story and entertain? Would people from my very small hometown recognize certain characters and not be able to separate fiction from truth? Would my students, my babies, and my family recognize how necessary this was to write, or just see it as a good story? Would people judge me: a teacher, a mother, and above all, a Christian for writing something this haunting? Would those who see themselves in my book as characters call me out? These questions plagued me for months until I made myself finish the story (it helped that the deadline was looming, too).
And once it was completed, it felt wonderful. A few people who are near and dear to me helped edit the piece, and I received inspiring phone calls from who else, but my mom. She understood. She asked all the right questions and gave me feedback I needed to push the send button with my very first young adult novel attached. She calmed my fears. She also is the one who helped create me, fearful and wonderful.
Reflecting on this last month, well into my third trimester with baby number three, I can only compare my journey with All About Jane to pregnancy. There are times in the journey that are full of excitement and great joy, combined with utter despair and doubt. Motherhood can be as fear inducing as sending a piece of yourself off to a publisher; you are creating something so wonderful, yet something you always want to protect, all the while realizing it’s not possible to shield forever. Mothers and authors embrace fear on a consistent basis and I am so blessed to have looked from both perspectives this last month and be content with making what I deem, wonderful creations.

All About Jane will be available in May from MANA publishing. You can read more here, or find out about their current poetry contest that I urge you to enter, even if it is scary.
http://manasunriser.blogspot.com/2013/02/a-call-for-entries-to-manas-winter.html

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Hold Fast

Posted on November 26, 2012 by Carrie Mattern

“Did you see what your daughter is wearing?” he asked me as I snuck into the back of her Sunday school classroom with a tardy Starbucks. Taking a sip, I nodded, unsure of what my daughter actually had on that morning. That may sound surprising, especially for church, but as parents we decided long ago to allow our children to express who they are in ways that may make others shake their heads. Glancing up, I found my eldest in the front row, singing her heart out to ‘Father Abraham,’ wearing one of her most recent faves: a silk red blouse, gold and red ankle length velour skirt, a hot pink sock, a white polka dot anklet sock, and white strapped heels. “She reminds me of Punky Brewster,” I told the elder, who had no recollection of the 80s series I grew up with. I had always admired Punky’s pigtails, neon non-matching outfits, mismatched legwarmers, and spunk. My eldest, who is 7 going on 17, doesn’t necessarily enjoy the pigtails or anything else I try to create with her hair, but encompasses the unique sense of self that Punky promoted, but also one that I never exuded as a child and still struggle with today.

This conversation didn’t startle me, as often our children act as entertainment for a much older church congregation, but it did follow me into the service that Sunday morning. Our pastor’s message was ‘Holding Fast to God’s Promises.’ I didn’t make an initial connection, but soon, God would connect the dots for me. As our pastor spoke, she said, “Our anxiety stems from the things we cannot control. Even the fear of an ordinary day can arm us.” I realized then how my daughter was teaching me about my own control issues. Looking back, we’ve had early morning doozies about what was appropriate or not to wear to school, alongside with what clothing felt good. She cannot stand anything tight or any material that is not soft. Jeans are a no-go. When we first decided we would allow our children to be free to choose clothing and toys and other things some kids are not allowed to decide, we never expected to see a red-haired monster emerge from her bedroom kicking and screaming in the same skinny jeans her friends were wearing with boots and baggy cardigan sweaters. It really put our choice into perspective.
What my daughter doesn’t comprehend is the fear I have that someday, someone will steal her brevity, confidence, and creative self-expression.

My pastor continued on with, “In fear we treat others as obstacles and fail to see others as support.” The light bulb finally came on as I sat there contemplating. Claire is my support. Claire is my teacher. Perhaps even a spiritual guide as a yogi once told me after meditating at a retreat years ago. I have been failing to see this all along. She has been teaching me to not allow fear to continue controlling my decisions in life that ultimately speak to the decisions I end up making for my own children. She has been trying to teach me to not be afraid of failure, or mistakes, as I have lived for so long dodging and darting. I am blessed and proud to say that this lesson, albeit a mysterious one, is one that I must grasp now before I continue living in a way that my children observe as controlled by fear. I never want them to think it is ok to let fear take over since “mommy does.” I never want them to dart a new experience because they are afraid of just showing up unprepared or as a novice. I never want them to dodge a phone call because they are nervous about who it is and what news they have to share. I want them to embrace their fears, and as cliche as it is, destroy them.

And someday, an older gentleman, or perhaps a pre-teen Queen B will comment on my daughter’s choice in clothing, but I assuredly believe she will hold fast to God’s promise of love conquering the fear of what others think about her in today’s society and kindly quip back about fashion or trends or comfort. If she trembles, and even stumbles, I will be there to remind her of how brave she is and how one day, long ago, she taught me that fear and anxiety are obstacles we can overcome together with God’s love. Until then I will keep working on my own fears and allowing the love of my beautiful, courageous, “I’m-not-a-match-girl-momma!” child to continue guiding me and helping me learn life’s lessons about letting go and growing up.

Fearless

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Thank you Tyler Clementi

Posted on September 20, 2012 by Carrie Mattern

That name may ring a bell…or not. If you don’t remember the case, Tyler Clementi was a student at Rutgers University. His roommate taped him kissing another boy and posted a message online for a viewing party the next day. The party never occurred. Tyler jumped from the George Washington bridge the day after he was filmed.
Now you may realize the profound impact this story has on me, or anyone with empathy for that matter, but his death changed my life. As a teacher at Carman-Ainsworth high school in Flint, MI, I try to find current news articles to share with my students each week. The week Tyler died, something urged me to find a copy of his story and share it with my students who face cyber-bullying every time they log into Facebook, Twitter, or even Insta-gram. We started reading it in class, they ‘talked to the text,’ me modeling the process for those who struggle with that reading strategy. It was homework that night, and due the next day. When they turned the article in we had a brief chat, but nothing memorable. Eagerly I took the stack of highlighted articles home that night and sat down to grade after my kids were asleep. A girl I had found very insightful and friendly wrote in one of the margins, “We should do this,” referring to a bullying awareness club that Rutgers had started a week or so after his death. I remember commenting, “Do it!” After reading many emotional reactions and personal connections, including LGBT kids who had not come out yet, I checked Blackboard to see what type of discussion was happening online. An inquisitive boy from a different hour than the girl had posted a message something along the lines of, “Is anyone interested in forming some kind of group here at Carman?” Immediately I connected the two students and so began EFA, Empathy for All.

This group formed at a time when I needed something more in my life. Appearances illustrated that I had it all: two beautiful, well-behaved kids, an amazing teaching career, a children’s book I had just published, supportive parents, a blessed life, but inside I was screaming. My husband was always away serving our country, and when he was home it was a tough transition. We were having problems, together as a partnership, and also with separate issues internally. This school group gave me a focus, rather a direction, for my life. I became a better listener to kids who desperately needed to share their stories of bullying, harassment, and abuse with an adult who would take the time to listen. In turn, I became a better listener to my partner who had been trying to tell me things for years. This group empowered me to think about my actions and what I say before reacting immediately as was my typical Shay (maiden name) response. This group showed me that I can make a difference just by asking someone in the hallway, “How was your day today?” This group has taught me the true meaning of empathy…one that I have applied at work, play, and with my loving partner. Without Tyler Clementi’s death, Empathy for All would not have been born. So goes the cycle of life. Without Empathy for All, I may have bore an endless scream.

RIP Tyler Clementi
September 22, 2012

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